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Friday, 29 January 2010
reflections.

i've been reflecting quite alot on myself; on everything recently.

i guess choosing social work as a major is starting to change my life. it's definitely a correct choice, i knew it! (:

i'm really grateful to have friends around me, whom i can talk to so easily and be honest with them. social work talks about open communication. hahaha.

i know that i've been easily irritated these past few weeks; i conclude that i really can't stand inefficiency and having too many things to complete at a short period of time. i know that when i really get down to work, i'm quite different. i appear to be a little too fierce, too serious and impaitient. (good and bad!)

who am i?

i'm just an ordinary person, who wants to accomplish extra-ordinary things, who wants to bring smile and laughters to the people around me, who wants everyone to be happy.

yes, and thanks addie. for reminding me that i'm passionate about everything i do (:

passion and compassion, are two different things. i learnt that in class yesterday! haha. i need to gian more compassion cause i'm full of passion already! lol.

but when the passion is really gone, i know that me being me, will find doing those things a chore. should it really be this way? i don't know.

i guess what i learnt in social work classes have subtlety and unknowingly become a part of life. and i'm happy about it (:

at this moment, i just want to say that i'm really thankful for everything i have in my life. really. (:

take some time each day to do a reflect on the day; it helps you to understand yourself better. trust me (:

smiled at 2:07:00 am

Sunday, 24 January 2010
who am i?

The two weeks had been kinda..terrible.

i really hate it to start the brand new year like that. but what to do? =/ life is like that.

i'm not gonna whine here; if you know what i'm talking about, just keep it to yourself (:

i know i'm not happy the past two weeks. except for certain days which i was really damn happy. this is very not me! i'm not my usual self. i'm too angsty; too easily irritated and too impatient. if you know me well enough, don't take it to heart if i've done anything that had upset you.. cause you know.. that's not me. very not me. ohman. are these signs of depression!?

i'm a happy girl; i like to see happy people around me; i like to see smiles; i like to bring happiness to people. but for the certain days of last two weeks, i just can't do that, i just can't be myself.

of course there were happy days which i truely enjoyed and i knew that i've brighten up people's day, just like they've brightened up mine as well. (: going back to NP - met my awesome tutors, met up with my awesome senior amb exco and seeing the fellow juniors, SIS gathering, the chilling out with tangguo and bakgua :D (ya, i love foood!) nice and relaxing moments. (:

i do know the reason why i'm feeling that way. i knew it cause i do reflect on myself. (haha! social worker's rule #1!) as much as i dont wanna get so irritated over it, i just can't help it. i know i have to hold my angstiness and be more patient. but you know, everything, there's a limit. i'm a human, i'm not a robot!

i was thinking about this during superband's concert yesterday - "who exactly am i?" it's a nice concert lah.. but after these two hectic weeks, i need to reflect.. and so i started thinking while of course, doing my job. haha.

i think what ch said made great sense.
"who am i?"
"whoever you want to be."
"if only that can happen!"
"everyone has a choice. it's only whether u are taking others' into account."

the last sentence...... was enlightenment. i didn't know i've such a smart friend. maybe smart isn't the correct word to be used here.. it's just like.. WAH when i saw this.. reminded me of jones, whom once in a while will give some very "WAH-ING" replies as well. haha.

it's very true. i think many of us, when asked ourselves with this question, we suddenly feel that we don't know ourself anymore. we're like lost soul going with the flow of the living world...
i'm damn tired now, i'll cont this smetimes.

smiled at 10:20:00 pm

Friday, 8 January 2010
yet another awesome day; but ended with pekchek-ness.

got the interview videos from elaine and wendy! turned out to be not that bad! :D actually i feel it's quite nice. heh. despite that the colors abit dull.. but got that feel i wanted. artistic. heh. only kinda bad thing was that maybe it's too like side-profile. but nvm.. it's still good! and the audio is surprising sweee~

planned to start encoding the interview tonight; but thanks to certain things, i wasn't able to. argh. talking about that. it is really getting up on my nerves. i'm losing my patience level, seriously. don't test me. i've never used so many fullstops in a convo until tonight. and if you know me, i don't usually put full stops but i'll give like alot of :D (: !!! etc. so putting a lot of fullstops meant that i'm really pissed, and i don't feel like talking much more. i've never been so unfriendly before. so now you know how much these have really pissed me off.

i just can't understand what's wrong with the whole thing. what went wrong? me? no. i can swear i've done my very best and put in efforts. and EFFICIENCY. i place heavy importance on this word. yes, and QUALITY. just couldn't take it anymore. it's already bypass my tolerance level. argh. i didn't expect it to be like that at the very beginning. but well, life is full of surprises! ha. ha. ha.

made me so irritated! argh. never been so annoyed for a very long period already. i really really really can't wait to get this over and done with! baaaaaah.

on a happier note, met up with my sec sch mates! after like 3 years! haha. had a nice dinner and alot of catch up (: they're still the same, funny and entertaining and i totally enjoyed their company. even thou we didn't see each other for so long, it's like just back to the old days when we met up. some friends are meant to stay forever. they are (:

visited weimin's office today. whoa. i'm really amazed by what he's doing and very very impressed! (: i'm excited about the project that i'm gonna embarked on too. thank you for giving me this chance, weimin! really admires him and salutes him for his passion for filming. one day, he'll make it big. i'm very very confident of that! i'm really awed and whoaed by all the things he showed me. one day, i must follow him on a filming trip!

felt blessed that i've talked to two amazing people in two days. made me reflect on myself too. one day, i'll be as amazing as them too! HAHA (:

smiled at 3:48:00 am

Thursday, 7 January 2010
06 jan 2010 - AWESOMMMME DAY! :D

06.jan.10

WAS AWESOMEEEE.

it started out kinda bad.. but ended up GREAT :D *thumbs up*

so i thought i'm supposed to bid for minor modules today (srsly, CORS can be a little more explicit.) and i woke up at 10am!! okay, sorry mum, i was blaming her how come she didn't wake me up earlier! ended up, today's round is for restricted minors. made me panic for nothing. ARGH. i really really don't like the bidding system!

supposed to meet melinda to borrow vcam from her.. but firstly, i woke up late cannot make it in time to meet her.. furthermore, won't be able to return her by today.. so in the end.. just gotta make do w/o the video cam! =/ thank you for helping thou, mel!! :D

supposed to meet elaine and wendy at 11am.. ended up we met at 1pm. heh. well!! but things got better after i stepped out of my house! :D

bumped into my cchms cdc cute little junior! my xiaodi! haha. wah. time really files. i actually thought he's like waiting for uni now. haha. can't rmb that when i was in sec 4, he's sec one! one mature but cute little boy. haha! the super short catch up on the escalator ride made me damn happy. haha. you know how it feels to like bump into an old friend unexpectedly and all those happy memories start flooding back. (: & there's no awkwardness at all despite not seeing each other for i think more than 2 years already! haha! shall meet up with him soon! :D :D

then it was shopping at 313. i can spend the whole day shopping there! kinda unexpected that i'll have the mood to shop.. cause i don't really like shopping.. i'll just shop when necessary. haha. i'm lazy i know. plus somemore after that i've got an important assignment... so is totally mood gone half already. but shopping with the girls was fun! :D :D i wished i could have more time to shopppp. baaaah. shop tgt again soooon yea, my dearest girls? :D

then then then... we went down for my important assignment. i was really kinda nervous and worried, and honestly not very prepared. (thanks to chingay. =/) as the time got closer and closer, i'm abit scared actually. what if.. everything doesn't turn out well? what if.. i screw it up? what if... all the "what-ifs" that i can think of started filling up my mind.

but luckily enough, before i could freak myself out more, a voice inside me (okay, now i really believe there's something like this! haha) told me to "just do it. you can do it." thank god for this voice that appeared out of nowhere. haha.

& i recalled something wenqi told me yesterday about wanting to "faster get it over and done with" and "omg yes we did it.WE DID IT." that helped alot for me to calm down. haha. i think she really made great sense. there's a difference. huge one! and i'm glad that after i left that place, i'm feeling "OMG. I DID IT". thank you wenqi (:

it has been a long time since i interviewed people. my last proper interview was with the hongkong artiste 黎姿..and that was.. aug 2008! so abit rusty.. worried that i can't do a good job. worried that i've lost that sense of professionalism.

and to make matter worst, this is someone that i know, and i've interviewed before (long long long long long time ago! haha).. so i do have certain expectations for myself.. and to be honest, i don't really like to interview people i know personally.. cause you'll tend to think, okay, based on my understanding of this person, he might give this this this as the answer.. or won't really give an answer for this question.. it's like you can kinda predict what the reply will be like..

it's good and bad i would say. cause if you predict correctly, means the scripting part will be much more easier since normally when journalists think of questions, they'll kinda of have an idea how they want the story to flow. but it's also because of this, you tend to stop yourself from being creative to think of other questions or to think from another angle.

journalist's life aint that easy. glamourous as it may seem to be, behind the glamour is all the hard work and brain-racking sessions. of course, they're pro journalists around that doesn't really need much preparation for interviews.. i guess this will have to come with years of experiences. i'm definitely not there yet.

i'm glad to say that my rustiness was quickly being polished up. :D (okay, my first question's phrasing was like crap i know. till the extend that i got "your question is abit weird" as a reply. hahaah.) but i wasn't reading from my prepared list! i'm proud of myself for that. :D :D i'm actually quite surprised that i managed not to look at my prepared sheet of questions like all the while. i only looked at it thrice throughout the 30 mins. it's a new record for me man. wooo :D the very first interview we had, i was constantly looking at the paper to ask question (& ticking them off one by one after asking. okay i know it's kinda dumb now. haha) and scribbling things. while he was playing with a pen at the same time while answering; this time round, i seldom looked at the paper and i didn't scribble anything down; (videoing is goood. woo. ) and he doesn't have anything to play with. haha. so i guess.. we've both "improved"? :D

it's not easy for me to do it professionally... it's just.. too weird! haha. but i hope i've done it professionally enough. and after such a long time, he's still him.. answers not very whoaing but in dept & nice enough to use, but once in a while, he'll blurt out super interesting lines. i like! haha. can feel that he's not that shy & reserved as compared to before; opens up quite quickly now. 4 years can really change someone! hahaha. and i hope i didn't sound as retarded as i was before.

okay, i shouldn't like cont.. haha cause i really have alot to reflect on and write. and i'm feeling sleepy already. anw, all in all, the interview was successful i would say! :D thank you wendy & elaine for helping! & i hope you girls finally understand why your friend here super support him. elanie, your that msg really made me happy. haha. cause i always tell people, you have to hear him sing live.. then you''ll understand why! :D i'm really happy for him. 4 years ago, his voice touched me; 4 years later, the same voice still made me feel touched. more touched even. i realised it has been quite long since i've hear him sing live. somemore, this is like really live live, without a mic. hahaha it's an unexplainable kinda of feeling.. and i've never expect myself to be so "attached" to a voice. hahahaha. you'll make it big, yes you will (: (: (:

okaay! so.. i was running late to report to work. but i was so so so lucky that i caught the bus in time and wasn't late! :D see, today lucky day! :D slingers' match today! i've been anticipating for this day since last week. haha! kinda long nv see them play already. after i'm done with changing, winnie said she's something for me.. and she passed me a poster.. guess what!!! it's my beloved ahteng's autographed love moments poster! GOSH. you should have seen my reactions then. i bet everyone in the usher room is like thinking this girl is crazy! hahaaha. i was damn damn damn surprised and happpppy la! jam leh! OMG CAN! :D and then.. winnie also gave me this i think it's limited edition de lightstick kinda thing. WAH. SUPER HAPPY TO THE MAX! :D thank you winnie & phyllis! :D :D :D :D :D while u two are having a great time, you both still though about me when you all see jam's stuffs. hahaah. gan dong! :D

so you know why i say today is an awesome day. i saw one J and "saw" another J today. both that i started supporting after an interview. hahahaah. what's with the Js man. haha. but i dont really like JJ lin leh. hahaha.

okay. really blacking out soon already. i'll make this quick! so yea.. slinger's match!! OMG THEY WON! :D :D :D :D :D after a tough match! the filipinos are real rough man. big and tall somemore. like gaints. other than 2 slingers who are about the same size as the majority of the patriots (i can't really rmb how is it spelt), the rest are like drawfs lah. really. but slingers fought damn hard. can really tell. i really like the way they strategised and their team spirit and most importantly their determination! and one thing i felt they've done great this game was their mental battle. filipinos lost partly of the lack of control for emotions and calmness. they are like so gan jiong! from lagging behind by 12 points in the 1 quarter, to tying in the 2nd quarter and 3rd quarter, then finally winning by 8 points, slingers have already fought damn hard. it was the most exciting match i've ever watched since ABL days. awesome job! :D esp kyles, michael leblanc, michael wong, marcus ng and vergara. michael wong's 3 pointer was like damn nice! awesomeeeee. (: vergara, though small size, but swift and steady! ohyah! and steven khoo played well today i felt.

after the match ended, i heard from one of the media people that the patriots are like the best team in philippines. and we've actually won them not once, but twice! this shows how slingers are able to perform if they want to! they're talking about michael wong's 3 pointer also, and the many slamdunks that the other michael did. it was kinda an unexpected win i would say. cause from the beginning it's quite obvious that the filipinos are damn good. their shots are almost 100% accurate! it comes to show that no matter how skillful you can be, but once you lost your emotions (and perhaps luck also), you might not win the game. the ball is round. cliche, but true. hahaaha. michael wong is the captain for one good reason. he controls his emotions well and constantly encourages his teammates. good mental mindset. i've been observing this for the passed few games already. hahaha. slingers yay! :D

okay. i'm off to bed. it's been a tiring day. but yes, i'm :D to sleep. lol.

smiled at 12:48:00 am

Tuesday, 5 January 2010
when passion turns into chore..

a new year; a new start.

but it's kinda difficult to sustain the passion that was once burning in me.. the over bursting of enthusiasm that i once had. i don't know why. everything seems to become a chore now.

i know i'm changing. but what has caused the change? the environment? i don't know. perhaps, i guess. i read somewhere that people behave differently in different environments. very true indeed. i know i'm not myself; but somehow, i just have to behave like that cause being my true self will cause me more suffering. just let it be this way; i don't feel comfortable, but at least i'm not letting my true self get hurt.

it takes two hands to clap, i know. since you wanna hear the clap, i might as well help you right. i'm cooperative, as always. haha.

mark says that this is life.. when passion turns into chore and we still gotta do it.
i guess it's really up to us to choose. but this time round, i know i still have to continue doing it despite how crappy it would get. cause i'm hui mei, i don't give up things half way! (:

okay, look on the brighter side.. wednesday is coming!! :D

oh..and today is a special day for a special someone. if you know, you know. heh!


smiled at 12:20:00 am