The two weeks had been kinda..terrible.
i really hate it to start the brand new year like that. but what to do? =/ life is like that.
i'm not gonna whine here; if you know what i'm talking about, just keep it to yourself (:
i know i'm not happy the past two weeks. except for certain days which i was really damn happy. this is very not me! i'm not my usual self. i'm too angsty; too easily irritated and too impatient. if you know me well enough, don't take it to heart if i've done anything that had upset you.. cause you know.. that's not me. very not me. ohman. are these signs of depression!?
i'm a happy girl; i like to see happy people around me; i like to see smiles; i like to bring happiness to people. but for the certain days of last two weeks, i just can't do that, i just can't be myself.
of course there were happy days which i truely enjoyed and i knew that i've brighten up people's day, just like they've brightened up mine as well. (: going back to NP - met my awesome tutors, met up with my awesome senior amb exco and seeing the fellow juniors, SIS gathering, the chilling out with tangguo and bakgua :D (ya, i love foood!) nice and relaxing moments. (:
i do know the reason why i'm feeling that way. i knew it cause i do reflect on myself. (haha! social worker's rule #1!) as much as i dont wanna get so irritated over it, i just can't help it. i know i have to hold my angstiness and be more patient. but you know, everything, there's a limit. i'm a human, i'm not a robot!
i was thinking about this during superband's concert yesterday - "who exactly am i?" it's a nice concert lah.. but after these two hectic weeks, i need to reflect.. and so i started thinking while of course, doing my job. haha.
i think what ch said made great sense.
"who am i?"
"whoever you want to be."
"if only that can happen!"
"everyone has a choice. it's only whether u are taking others' into account."
the last sentence...... was enlightenment. i didn't know i've such a smart friend. maybe smart isn't the correct word to be used here.. it's just like.. WAH when i saw this.. reminded me of jones, whom once in a while will give some very "WAH-ING" replies as well. haha.
it's very true. i think many of us, when asked ourselves with this question, we suddenly feel that we don't know ourself anymore. we're like lost soul going with the flow of the living world...
i'm damn tired now, i'll cont this smetimes.
